Sunday, February 29, 2004

This weekend has been so uplifting and enlightening. #1. Saw my grandma and she just looks glorious! I couldn't shut her up, she just kept on going and going with these crazy stories, it's like she was back to her old self :) #2. Monterey was SO GORGEOUS! I could barely keep my mouth closed, my jaw kept dropping from all the amazing sites.. even though I've been there numerous times before. It was good to hang out with Jaclyn and Hannah, even if it was brief. But hey, it's a LOT better than nothing, and plus, we were in Monterey. MMMmm boy! Well, I don't have much insight on life today, just really happy, if you cared..

Thursday, February 26, 2004

Do you remember lying on the beach so late at night? Do you remember running through the sprinklers that night? Do you remember all the songs that I have felt for you? I remember the way you made me feel when I was with you. I remember the smile that always brought me back to you. That look in your eyes.. I never thought that this could be untrue..

If it makes my whole life, I won't break, I won't bend. It will all be worth it.. worth it in the end. Cause I can only tell you what I know.. that I need you in my life. When the stars have all burned out, you'll still be burning so bright. Cast me gently into morning for the night has been unkind. Take me to the place so holy that I can wash from my mind..

You are the light that's leading me to the place where I find peace within.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Turns out, we're gonna get a hotel room this weekend, which means.. FUN TIMES!! Who can beat a hotel room and taco truck? I'll tell you.. NO ONE!! Hmm, what a nice little escape this will be :) Plus, Monterey is just awesome! Well, the MAIN reason that I'm actually coming home is because I'm going to visit my grandma again. Boy, she's the coolest!!

::Mister, Mister! Get this thing off me!::

Sleep deprivation isn't fun, and it's hard to deal with, but sometimes you just have to stick it out. But on a good note, you'd be surprised how much cleaning you can get done..

I'm so excited for today, why? No idea, I'm just in a REALLY good mood. Things are just fabulous. I couldn't be happier with my hair lately.. it's so pretty lol.. I can't get over how long it is either.... CRAZYTOWN.

Actually, I think I know why I'm in such a good mood. I called my mom today, and she ended up being with my grandma, which meant I got to talk to her. She sounded glorious! That made my day, and the fact that Hannah called with some pretty funny stories! I'm outta here.. peace

Saturday, February 21, 2004

how can i stand here with you and not be moved by you?

Thursday, February 19, 2004

It's always been up to you, let's turn it around.. it's up to me. I'm gonna do what I have to do..just don't..gimme a little time, leave me alone a little while.. maybe it's not too late.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

my time goes by much slower, these days. there is little that gets me to tomorrow. and i'm sad, it's unhealthy. i'm unhealthy. sometimes i feel that i don't belong. i have so much to be happy about but there are many things that drag me back down. and i'm dead, well i feel dead. but my ass hurts and that reminds me that i'm still alive. unfortunately, writing gets me though class, it's what my life is composed of. but i can't be unveiled, my story could never be told. like i said, life is a big puzzle; my puzzle will never be finished. my life will never be complete. i'm going to live forever, never accomplish anything, never make a difference in anyone's life. i'll never get that opportunity to make that one, special person the happiest person in the world. i will never surrender, i'll never be taken alive, unless of course i want to. only if my heart tells me to. but i'm picky. i don't accept too many things. i can't adjust, and my body knows it. it's reacting to my uneasiness. i'm just a failure to myself. i don't know what defines me. i've lost touch with everything i was. it's been washed away, dust in the wind. excellent song, so sad, so emotional. i'm listening but i'm definitely not hearing, i'm touching but i'm not feeling, i'm looking but not seeing. who or what is protecting me? i just want to see the windmills and the lighthouse. and i want to take you to see it. but you can't and you won't because you're in love with me, so much that you hate me for it. i've been "played" this whole time and i've wondered when it would finally backfire. it's hard to keep up with what you don't know you're up against. when this all started, it still baffles me, but stress and heat seem to aggrivate it. there's nothing, and i repeat nothing, i can do that will ride me of this imbalance. but where would i be today if things weren't the way they turned out to be? what would i be like? and it's this that makes me curious. wouldn't you be? but my day drags on, slowly, slower. and you fuck me up, you've messed with my head and there's no turning back now. i'm so far gone, i don't even know where home is. luckily, it's who you know and how far they will take you. i'm going nowhere fast..
once again i'm feeling dead from the world. maybe not from the world, maybe i'm just feeling dead. i was home this weekend, it was wonderful. ate taco truck i dunno how many times, spent quality time with my grandma.. had some good times with the parentals. i guess things couldn't have happened any better..

the reality of things have yet to completely sink in. but as for now, it's hitting me pretty hard. i'm sooo drained.. emotionally, it's kicking my ass.

i'll be home again in 2 weeks. we'll make love under the stars, just like the first time..

Friday, February 13, 2004

some things are just better left unremembered. lessons will be learned the hard way, it always happens that way..

i'm just so, so embarassed.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

HurlyPrincess281 [10:11 PM]: im sorry for not getting your call...i know when u do call there is some significant reason that only i would understand and i feel like such a horrible horrible friend. I have been in my pajamas for the past 3 days...nowhere to go...no one to please. I leave my house and no one knows or even gives the slightest notion of caring. Feeling defeated and alone?...it's not that uncommon in these parts...or these hearts. The thought of being where you are is something only the stars can grant so tonight im watching the faireworks wishing my hardest cuz babe...i promised i see them one more time with you. It's funny how Im able to see everything but nothing so clearly...as if things just pass by in black and white with no meaning at all. I still get lost in your eyes...you are my shooting star. You can wish to come home or stay where you are...im here without, tonight its only you and me, and don't worry cuz I wont tell 'em your name.
the harder i push the further i fall.. but i can't always be wrong.

Today is a sad, sad day. This is one of those days that I want to just sleep through it, wake up a week later perhaps. "I won't tell your secrets, your secrets are safe with me." I wish I could be home right now for many reasons.

Show me how to live, let me read your mind, this is so foolish. I can't make you love me, but I'll make love to you at the end of the road. Even the scientist doesn't want trouble from the stupid girl. I should be barely breathing but in my next lifetime I'll think twice before I sing songs about rain. Just watch the fireworks, don't stop believing, but you must stay gone. I need you, but I don't wanna hurt you and I'm already there, a little hot and tipsy, but one sweet day you'll come to my window so I can be with you in this wild world.

if you understand, bravo. if you don't, don't feel bad that you're slow, just accept it.

Monday, February 09, 2004

wish i had what i needed to be on my own, cause i feel so defeated and i'm feeling alone. and it all seems so helpless and i have no plans, i'm a plane in the sunset with nowhere to land. and all i see it could never make me happy, and all my sandcastles spend their time colasping. let me know that you hear me, let me know your touch, let me know that you love me, let that be enough.

Saturday, February 07, 2004

sometimes, getting drunk reminds a person of how stupid they really are. for example, say i were to get drunk and then decide to send "someone" some pretty interesting text messages. well, since this is only an example, it clearly reveals the stupidity in my actions. now, i never said i regretted anything.. in the example of course.. but in conclusion, alcohol makes you funny, especially wine and champange. also, if you're drunk, don't bring your phone cause that's an excellent way to run up your phone bill.

luckily, life goes on and, as always, pride is overrated.

Thursday, February 05, 2004

it may not be obvious, but i'll tell you.. it's true. even if i tried, i could never forget about you. it's close to impossible.. don't trip, you're still in my heart, always will be.

Monday, February 02, 2004

I can't even begin to tell you the consequences or the rewards, it's unknown to most but understood by few. Play it safe, don't fall in love with me..

Maybe this is something that will help you to see a little bit clearer.

Hold onto your hat. If Ms. Sagittarius is your true love, you should expect thrills and spills ahead. Ms. Sagittarius is the zodiac's free-spirited, adventurous woman; excitement, challenge, and surprise surround her. Her romances--and particularly the experience of possibly meeting her soul mate--will be something like the action script of a dramatic scene from a Hollywood movie. However, her romantic movie scene may some straight out of a suspense, intrigue, comedy, or high-adventure movie, even a kung fu one, or be a little everything, rolled into one. A Sagittarian woman is into extremes, abundance, and full-on living. She doesn't deal in limitations, and her relationships often go the way of extremes as well.

In fact, if you are currently considering that a specific Sagittarian woman may be your soul mate, let's hope that you are prepared and ready to embark on one of the greatest adventures of your life, because that is exactly where this high-spirited gal is certain to take you.

From the first meeting, or soon after, you'll find that your mind and heart are likely to be spinning all over the place, and nothing seems to be normal in your world anymore. Your boundaries are likely to be enormously altered too, because the Sagittarian gal is going to be your lover, teacher, and best friend. What she brings into your world will throw you right into the thick of exceptional conditions emotionally, finacially, spiritually, and psychologically, and you'll soon be dealing witih choices or options that you have never faced before.

Why is meeting up with your Sagittarian gal soul mate such a challenging and life-altering experience? She's exceptional because Jupiter, the most magnanimous and privileged planet of the zodiac, rules her. Her life is not meant to be humdrum, mundane, or commonplace. That is why a soul-connection with a Sagittarian gal often begins with a high drama, confrontations, or run-in of some sort. If it doesn't begin that way it is likely to head in these directions soon after. She often appears into your life with a bang, as she isn't someone who hides her light under a bushel. Possibly she'll run into the back of your car, or you'll bump into hers. Or you'll meet at a sporting event, possibly a ski lodge. Or you'll be caught up in an intrigue when she starts to date your best friend, and then you and she fall in love; she leaves him, cause all kinds of complications. She may be traveling, wining or dining, or sailing a yacht, but she will be doing it her way. Her desire for independence could make her tough to pin down.

Be warned, a Sagittarian woman has a knack for living her relationshihps close to the edge--in face she thrives on it. She often has more than one relationship going on at once. Intimacy often scares her, and she doesn't always feel comfortable letting others get too close. Innately, she is born with a great deal of independence. She loves to be surrounded by friends, associates, and a variety of unusual hangers-on and doesn't fit too well into exclusive one-on-one arrangements, which is why her deep desire to find her soul mate often confuses her. She wants the close connection, but doesn't feel comfortable with it! She won't admit it, but she is so strong within herself that she often looks down on the mal sex, especially those who can't keep up with her. Naturally, she hopes her soul mate is even stronger thatn she is! But that doesn't mean that she doesn't want a sensitive, compassionate, gentle man as well. She often looks for one thing in her man, only to discover it is actually the opposite characteristic that she needs the most.

To test if a Sagittarian gal is your soul mate, you are going to need some smart moves. As much as you may need to be strong, independent, and full of courage, you will also need to find a way to appeal to her soft and vulnerable side, without losing her respect. And that won't be easy! This is the zodiac girl that can easily walk all over her man, if he doesn't watch the power exchanges and keep her respectful of his position in the relationship.

What should you do to test whether or not a Sagittarian gal is your soul mate? Pursue her, but do it with flamboyance and lots of style. She loves dramatics, so write her a love poem and have it engraved in stone, or serenade her under her window by moonlight. Be daring, creative, and romantic, all at the same time. If she's your soul mate, even if you do something over the top or even a dash ridiculous to woo her, you will know immediately by her willing smile. You will practically be able to hear her walls of defense crashing down all around her, and she will tell you she loves you. She will applaud your efforts at being romantic and also manly in playing the role of the pursuer. If, on the other hand, she treats your special and romantic gesture with embarrassment or annoyance, you can be sure she's not the one you're looking for, the one who is your true soul mate. Ms. Sagittarian doesn't play games romantically, and if she doesn't really want you, at least you are likely to learn her disinterest in you before too long has passed. As much as this may be hurtful, at least she doesn't waste your time to boost her ego, like some of the other, more conniving signs of the zodiac.

If you are her true love, she is likely to reward you with the greatest gift she has to offer you: her total devoted love. When a Sagittarian gal makes a soul-connection, she's found a big and important piece of her life's puzzle. Her entire face will look different. Her eyes will shine more brightly, and her smile will flash with charisma and the certainty of being in love. It's possible that she'll let her other responsibilities slide for a while when this happens, but she'll get back on track before too long. In the meantime, enjoy her undivided attention, and make sure you let her know how much she means to you and your future. Be sure to compliment her on her many talents, clutivate an interest in her friends, family, and hobbies, and be prepared to fit in with her master plan for life whever possible. Remember, even in love, this gal is one of the more independent women of the zodiac, and she needs to be adored from both near and far and allowed the leeway to live her own life and be her own boss, when she needs to be!

If you believe your Ms. Sagittarian is potentially your soul mate, do remember that she's a fire sign, which means she has childlike charm and enthusiasm at times, but she can also be incredibly intimidating at other times. Try not to take it too personally when she lashes out at you, because she is usually angry with herself when she throws her biggest tantrums. Matching up witih a Sagittarian woman is a soul-connection that is destined to be filled with pleasure and pain, and it is up to the two of you to find a happy medium between sharing time and giving and taking in ways that add up to fair play. Creating a disciplined balance of give and take between you both will help you nurture your love and make your soul-mate journey together the most fulfilling, adventurous, educational, and passionate relationship on the planet.

Do prepare for the following:
Her Virtures: She has the ability to make each and every day feel like it's a party. She'll be generous, optimistic, candid, and ambitious. Her curiosity keeps her interests fresh and growing, and her enthusiasm will easily rub off on you. She has a great deal of inspiration, and she will be committed to creating and maintaining the best soul-mate relationship possible.

Her Vanities: She loves to show off and does whatever she can to attract attention. There will be times that she will ignore you, when she wants to be positioned center stage herself. She can be terribly impatient and intolerant at times, and her sharp tongue can cut ribbons through you when you least expect it. She is sometimes self-centered and arrogant, and she won't take well to criticism, especially from you.

USE THIS INFORMATION WISELY.. but beware, it's not all true about me, most of it though..
and you cease to amaze me, everytime we talk.
you're the closest one to me, as you already know.
there's no point in telling you this, you're reading my mind as we speak..

and this is why i fuckin love you so damn much.

"She may be seductive, arrogant, sarcastic, mysterious, harsh, a heart-breaker and even sometimes you wanna punch her in the face...but she has never let me down and has never once been dishonest....so if you can't handle her shit then fuckin STEP OFF BITCH!!"

Sunday, February 01, 2004

See first of all, I know these so called players wouldn't tell you this, but I'm gonna be real and tell you what's in my heart..

I never loved you enough to trust you, we just met and I just fucked you.

You said you can't change the way you feel but you can't tell that this ain't real. Cause in the end it's all I got.. so I'm gonna hold on.

Baby tell me how you do cause you got me so into it..

Well I thought I was over you but I guess maybe I'm not.

I've been a bad bad girl. I've been careless with a delicate man. It's a sad sad world when a girl can break a boy just because she can. Don't you tell me to deny, I won't run I wanna suffer for my sins..

When did your eyes begin to look fake? I hope you're as happy as you're pretending.

If you think that I could be forgiven, I wish you would.

Go upstairs, pack you bags, while you're at it call a cab..

Baby you're all that I want when you're lying here in my arms.

I will keep calling you to see if you're sleeping, if you're dreaming, if you're dreaming are you dreaming of me?

I got your legs spread all over the bed, hands clinched in the sheets, hair wild as hell I know, the only thing on your mind is sexing me.

Who gave you a reason to act so shady?
I said it out loud over and over..

let go of your pride, stop trying to impress me, i know why you're doing it, i used to do the same exact thing. just let it go..