my time goes by much slower, these days. there is little that gets me to tomorrow. and i'm sad, it's unhealthy. i'm unhealthy. sometimes i feel that i don't belong. i have so much to be happy about but there are many things that drag me back down. and i'm dead, well i feel dead. but my ass hurts and that reminds me that i'm still alive. unfortunately, writing gets me though class, it's what my life is composed of. but i can't be unveiled, my story could never be told. like i said, life is a big puzzle; my puzzle will never be finished. my life will never be complete. i'm going to live forever, never accomplish anything, never make a difference in anyone's life. i'll never get that opportunity to make that one, special person the happiest person in the world. i will never surrender, i'll never be taken alive, unless of course i want to. only if my heart tells me to. but i'm picky. i don't accept too many things. i can't adjust, and my body knows it. it's reacting to my uneasiness. i'm just a failure to myself. i don't know what defines me. i've lost touch with everything i was. it's been washed away, dust in the wind. excellent song, so sad, so emotional. i'm listening but i'm definitely not hearing, i'm touching but i'm not feeling, i'm looking but not seeing. who or what is protecting me? i just want to see the windmills and the lighthouse. and i want to take you to see it. but you can't and you won't because you're in love with me, so much that you hate me for it. i've been "played" this whole time and i've wondered when it would finally backfire. it's hard to keep up with what you don't know you're up against. when this all started, it still baffles me, but stress and heat seem to aggrivate it. there's nothing, and i repeat nothing, i can do that will ride me of this imbalance. but where would i be today if things weren't the way they turned out to be? what would i be like? and it's this that makes me curious. wouldn't you be? but my day drags on, slowly, slower. and you fuck me up, you've messed with my head and there's no turning back now. i'm so far gone, i don't even know where home is. luckily, it's who you know and how far they will take you. i'm going nowhere fast..