On Tuesday, I was having a really bad day. I don't really remember why, I just wasn't having a good day.. until about 3:30. Something happened to me. I was sitting in the courtyard, in the shade. I listened to the water falling onto the rocks, I listened to a teacher give a lecture, I listened as footsteps walked by me. I watched the wind blow the leaves, I watched people laugh with eachother. Everything I heard, or saw, or smelt.. it all became clearer. For a minute, I wasn't even in that world, no body even knew I was sitting there. For once, things didn't revolve around me. I observed everyone and everything else, and for some reason, it was one of the most beautiful things that has happened to me in a while. It was as if I was invisible. And for that brief minute, I'd never felt so calm and relaxed. I have never felt such peace within myself. I didn't have a care in the world.. whatever I was stressing over didn't matter, whatever made me upset I forgot about. The past was in the past, why not live in the now? And it sounds silly, since it was only a minute, but it felt really good. I was strangely enlightened.


Don't you ever wonder who you'd be if one small thing in your life was different. Imagine you had the same parents, same type of lifestyle, but grew up in a different town, only miles away. Who would your friends be? What kind of person would you be? How different would you be from who you are now? Now, imagine having different parents, different friends but growing up in the same town. Weird huh? Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Just think of all the different kinds of people you could have turned out to be, why this one? Why not another? Are you happy with who you are? What would you do differently if you could do it all over again? Anything? Would you have held back as much as you did? Or would you have held back more? Sometimes I wonder who I'd be if I wasn't adopted, if I was with my biological parents. I constantly wonder who they are, where they live, what they do.. wouldn't that bother you? And day in and day out I question whether or not I should try and find them. I'm 18 now, almost 19, and I don't know who I really am. I mean, sure, I have my families background, and that is a part of me, but there's a part missing. There's a piece of me that I don't even know. I know very little about my real parents. I know that my dad was the brown hair, brown eyed Filipino side of me, and my mom was the blonde hair, blue eyed Swedish side of me. That's it, that's all I know. Maybe some people would be upset that they were put up for adoption. Not me, deep down I believe there is a good reason. I believe they wanted me to have a better life, whether it be that they were too young or couldn't afford me (I don't come cheap), I'm glad to be where I am today. I'm very thankful for everything I have, and I'm very thankful for all the things I don't have. But damn it, aren't you fuckin curious as hell?!