You gotta get out. You can't stand to see me shaking.



I guess I couldn't have expected anything less from my time home. There's not 31 days in November. No one gets to come in. Pull me out from inside. Is this warming sensation normal? Maybe no one will understand or maybe only you will understand.

December 20, 2004. Number 3.

I had a doctor's appointment to schedule surgery for my knee today. Instead of the 16th as I had previously planned on, my surgery won't take place until 4 days after, on the 20th. And I don't mean to be a party pooper, so I'm sorry Jaclyn that I had to have surgery on your birthday! If you happen to be in the neighborhood on that Monday, swing on by.. I'm pretty sure I won't be doing much.

It's sad when you realize that there's just no more. But what's worse is when it's confirmed over and over again. You can't go back, no matter how hard you try. All you have is memories to reflect on. You're no longer a part of their lives or them in yours, only during holidays and those short visits home. But, when it comes down to it, they made you who you are today. And no matter what, they'll always have your back..

Sorry it's taken this long to put up Halloween pictures, whoop - si - daisies! Well, knock yourself out.

Good times. That's all that can really be said.
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Precious.
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Crazy pumpkin on crutches anyone?
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Drunken roomie love.
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C U -- what what!!

I'm gone for the weekend, and where you might ask.. hmm, perhaps Colorado to visit my bestest bud Hannah. What's on the schedule you might also ask.. well, there will definitely be some watching of the OC, there will be drinking mos def, some spa action, going to the football game .. let's go buffs! Hmm, this is all to say the least.. but I'll keep you updated once I return. Don't miss me too much, suckas.

And I love her, I love her more than anyone will know. More than she can even understand. She's never let me down, she's never left my side. She's been the person who slaps me in the face when I deserve it. She doesn't hold back what she feels, yet she's the kindest person I know. She's the kind of person who tells you exactly what you don't want to hear. But there's a sense of comfort in her voice, and the way she looks at me makes me feel at home. And it's the little things, like driving to my house late at night then calling me on the phone and talking for hours, or buying 40's of MGD and drinking at the park, or lying out a blanket on my lawn and just looking at the stars. We can sit and talk, she can spill her heart out to me and I won't say a word, yet she knows exactly what I'm thinking and exactly what I feel. Of course, this is all the say the least. One last thing.. Happy Birthday Darling, I love you.

you can make this very easy, if you show me that you believe me. do you believe me?

PART TWO

Let's see, where did I leave off..? Ahh yes, Sunday morning rolled around and I think we got up around 11 or 12, which meant only 7 hours until our Halloween offically started. Bad new bears! I had about 4 cd's to make, a quiz I needed to study for, and I had to mentally prepare myself for some good fuckin times! I got the cd's made, and I began to study but that was boring as shit and I just ended up sitting on the couch, or playing Mario Cart (ahem, I did kick Jana and Nicole's ass pretty good). To be quite honest, that whole day was kind of fuzzy, it went by super quick. Before I knew it, it was 6:15 and we were supposed to head over to Laura's by 7-7:30ish. I needed to take a shower, but I was procrastinating pretty hard for some reason. We all started getting ready, doing our hair, makeup, dancing, etc. Once 7:22 p.m. hit the clock an alarm started going off. We had to evacuate the building, with the quickness. We packed the beer, I packed my costume, grabbed my crutches, Adam grabbed his speakers, I couldn't find the cd's, but then I found them, we almost forgot Laura's burrito, I couldn't find the money I owed her for beer.. it was a scramble. After the alarms started going off, we probably didn't get out of the apartment for another 10 minutes. We didn't think anything major had happened, so we didn't see a point in rushing. So, I was pretty gimpy still so naturally I brought my crutches, but unfortunately the elevators wouldn't work. I had to hop down 12 flights of stairs on my left leg with crutches in one hand and the railing in the other. As we passed the 7th floor, the door was open so we looked down the hall. It was filled with smoke and firemen. Holy fuckin shit, I didn't think it was a real emergency. After we got to the bottom and exited the building, we found a herd of people standing away from the building, and about 4 firetrucks and an ambulance or so. We had no idea what was going on. All we knew is that we were late, I needed to still move my car, and I really wanted a beer. We snuck past the firetrucks to my car, moved it to 25, walked up the hill (I crutched) to Laura's apartment. Finally, I had myself some beers and we all loosened up a bit.

It was getting pretty late, and since we were late to begin with, it was time to go. Fuckin wasted $1.25 on a MUNI pass because the train wasn't gonna be coming for another 55 minutes. Ridiculous. No one wanted to wait, so we went back to Laura's, downed some more beers and a few shots, danced a bit and piled into Brandy's car. She had a rented Jeep Liberty. I rode shotty, Nicole, Alisa and Jana were in the back seat, and Laura and Allison rode in the trunk. Illegal? Perhaps. We drove down to Castro, but as anticipated, it was crowded as fuck. Parking was more of a bitch than usual. Brandy randomly stopped the car, got out, and pissed. I helped her out by rockin the hazards, but she didn't even tell any of us what she was doing.. COMEDY. We finally found a parking spot, but I was soo drunk and so turned around I had no idea where we were. We had to take a taxi to Castro, which luckily was only 5 bucks. So, we get down there.. that shit was packed tighter than a gay man's. Within the first 5 minutes, I kid you not, we lost Brandy and Allison. Nicole, Alisa, Jana, Laura and I headed over to the barriers, and just chill. Laura tried to get a hold of Brandy, no such luck. To make a long story short, as Laura and Alisa went to find the two jokers, guess who bumped into us.. BRANDY AND ALLISON! They are wasted from the keg stands they were doing, man oh man. Brandy insisted on giving us all kisses.. on the lips, no where else. We all met up again, and we were pretty upset from this nonsense and just wanted to leave and go back to Laura's a drink some more, dance some more, have some good times. Well, as we were leaving, Brandy decides she didn't want to go because she "wanted to look around some more." Allison and Brandy stayed longer, as for the rest of us, we took the fuck off.

We walked out to Sanchez and 18th, called for a cab and waited. Cabs kept coming and going, but somehow we couldn't get one. People would either take the cab we called for, or they'd already be full. I honestly think we called 411 about 15 times and called for cabs. I crutched on over to some nearby cops, asked for their advice. They suggested walking up to 19th and trying that corner. Somehow we wound up on 19th and Delores. But after many cries of frustration, I decided to just laugh. There was nothing we could do, obviously we weren't getting very lucky. Finally, a cab picked us up. It felt as if we won the lottery, and I know that sound silly, but at that point, we were drunk, frustrated (well, I have having a ball), tired from walking in endless circles, and all we really wanted to do was get back to Laura's, drink some fuckin alcohol, and dance the night away. I was so thankful that he picked us up, I asked if he'd like to come up and have a beer for us. He politely declined, claiming that he was "working." But that's alright, I think he liked the offer anyway. Oh wow, I'm leaving out a BIG part of the story. This whole time, Nicole was wearing a very light weight jacket, and what did she carry around with her..? A Handle of vodka. Ha Ha Ha. I don't care who you are, that's funny. It was quite obvious she had something in her jacket. It was too oddly shaped to be a tumor. So in the cab ride, she pulled out the handle and offered shots to anyone who wanted one. What's even funnier is the fact that she became so attached to the handle, she started referring to it as her "baby." So when she asked if anyone wanted some, Laura replied, "I want to suckle on your baby." That's a riot. Good times.

Back at Laura's, we cracked open some beers, put some beats on, and unwound from the intense, eventful evening. Naturally, the music got us dancing. I decided it was a good time for some champange, so I popped open a bottle. Somehow, someway, Laura started stripping. The only thing she had on were her shoes and her undies. She was holding her tits, trying to cover her nipples (nice attempt Laura), and lucky for us, she gave us lap dances. It was all fun and games until we realized how late it was getting. Nicole kept wanting to leave, and I kept telling her as soon as we finished the champagne. So, after the first bottle, I snuck back into the kitchen and popped open the second bottle. I am a fuckin sneaky sneak. But, we finished both of them, and wanted to go back to our apartment and crash. Nicole, myself and Alisa all had class at the same time. Ironically enough, we all had a test or quiz of somesort as well. So, Laura drove us back to our building (probably not a good idea) and we went back to our apartment. I started boiling some water for mac and cheese, but somehow me and Jana got into a big tickle fight, so Nicole had to finish cooking it. We all ate it, became even more sleepy, and wanted to just pass the fuck out.

I had to get up by 8:30, and I had to wake up Alisa too. So, I got up at like 8:15, walked into the living room to wake up Alisa but to my surprise, she wass already awake! She was sitting up, wrapped in blankets, studying for her test. I automatically burst out with laughter. Who wakes up from a crazy night to study? I guess does, and well, I sat down with her and started studying as well. It didn't help much, considering I was still wasted. Around 8:50 or so, we all headed off to class. Me and Nicole sat next to eachother (naturally) and she was studying, but I found that my head was quite heavy and I couldn't hold it up on my own. Also, my eyes were playing games on me. It was almost as if my eyes were having seizures, bad bad bad. So, our quizzes got passed out, and I swear I kept reading the questions over and over again but not once did I comprehend it. Even after I started writing down my answers I still didn't know what the question was. So, you can only guess how well I did on my quiz. At one point, Nicole had to nudge me and whisper, "write something down already!" Well, that was one of the best times of my life. So, we went back to the apartment and I immediately went back to sleep. We woke back up around 11 or so, and at 12 I had to drive Jana back to Plesanton. Boy, was that a long drive.

On the drive back, I was going over the bridge (the Bay Bridge, to be exact!) and it was sorta curving to the left. I was in the middle lane, and I happened to drive over ONE of the reflectors to my right. The bitch on my right freaks the fuck out, starts honking like a donkey that had just been branded. I just let it go, and by let it go I mean, I cut that bitch off and showed her not to honk at me. Well, Nicole called me on the bridge and she asked if I wanted to go pick up a cigar for Adam. I agreed, and picked up Nicole so we could take a trip to Beverages and More. We found the Kaluha cigars, made the purchase and headed back to campus. Well, I was still kinda hung over, so I was lying in my bed when Laura called me. She said there were some left over beers from the night before (uggh, beer) and it wouldn't be right of her to drink them by herself, so she wanted to come over and drink them with me. Of course I said it would be fine because it was her last night here. But me and Nicole were going to the DC to eat some fuckin good ass food.. wait, that would've happened if we went to, oh I dunno, maybe the Cheesecake Factory. Anywho, we got back from dinner, and for some strange reason I thought it would be a good idea to put on Adam's clothes. I did, and we took pictures as you might notice below. Laura treked on over, and we started cracking the beers. Boy, it was hard for me to even look at one, but somehow I managed to stomach 4 of them. By this time, I was wasted. How? That's what I was wondering as well. For some strange reason, Adam wanted to take shots of the left over handle we had. I decided to pass on the shots, but I made a drink, a mixed drink if you will. So, Nicole, Adam and I were drunk. We busted out the glowsticks that had been in the freezer for a week or so, and somehow they were still glowing, so we started dancing with those, and then we were just giving lap dances to eachother. Hmm, good times. But then it was decided that we should go outside at like12ish and smoke that cigar we just bought. So we did, and my drunk ass insisted on inhailing almost everytime. That's a big no no. You can hear it in my throat this morning. MAJOR MAN VOICE. Oh well, I'd say it was worth it.

So, that's my weekend, in a nut shell. Oh and it turned out that a microwave blew up on the 7th floor. That's all mother fuckers. Hope you enjoyed.

PART ONE
this weekend has been a very long, sleep deprived, not to mention drunk weekend. the only other time i remember being this drunk for so many days was when i went to cancun.. hmm, good times. friday night treated me pretty well. obviously i was drinking but i was also hanging out with one of my favorite people to just chill with. so later on that night, after some wine and some beers i decided that i wanted to smoke some ciggy cigs. niniv was driving, nicole is in the backseat and yours truely is in the passengers seat. we drove down to the chevron in D.C. and i went to the bathroom (naturally) and bought a pack of marlboro lights. there were some thugged out homies inside paying before me and some outside, parked kinda close to niniv. since i'm a hardcore mutha fuckin asian, it didn't phase me. little did i know, there was an armed robbery taking place. i made my purchase and began to pack the smokes, but some people were a bit antsy and wanted to leave a.s.a.p. so i hustled into the car as best i could with my gimpy leg. now, i've told a few people about the armed robbery and to be honest they were a little bit scared for me. but, by "armed robbery" i mean, "a guy that paid for one drink, and stole another drink as well." you might think, "gee megan, that's not an armed robbery! you fool!" here's the score: when you rob someone or something you take/steal something that doesn't belong to you, right? in this case, the man took an extra drink that didn't belong to him. and for the armed part, well.. the drink the man stole was in his arm. so by technicalities, i'm right.

after this ordeal, we headed back to the apartment for some more drinks and whatnot. by now, i'm pretty tossed.. since i had a cigarette before we came back up. the wise decision would be to stop drinking beer and instead drink some water. as i'm sure you guessed, i didn't do that. rather, i popped some vicodin and drank a beer or two more. around 3 in the a.m. i'm feeling pretty damn good, which was a very good thing, but bad because 1. i was fuckin tired as FUCK, 2. i had to wake up before 12 to pick someone up, 3. i was WAAAAAAY more drunk than i thought i was. so i lied down in bed, attempted to go to sleep but i couldn't. i went back out into the living room, watched some tv with niniv for a bit, fell asleep on his lap for a couple minutes or so, then dragged my ass back to my room and hopped in bed. i set my alarm for no later than 10:30, but because i was so excited and because the anticipation was built up pretty strong, i woke up earlier than i wanted to. so i got out of bed, somewhat cleaned myself up and preceeded to wake up nicole, only to find that she was already awake. soon after, laura called me and told me to open the door and let her in. nicole wanted to go to turlock with me, so we both were getting ready and laura kept us company while in the process. as soon as i was done getting ready, i went to wake up niniv but he wasn't in the living room when i walked out there. i called him, and he told me he had left 20-30 minutes earlier. at the time, i was pretty fuckin confused, but i got over it. after that, nicole and i were headed to 'the lock' to make a pick up.

we left the bay around 12-12:15 or so and we were both tired. we managed to stay awake by listening to clay aiken, tim mcgraw, hilary duff, darude and some other random, random jams. all of the sudden, as we barely left oakland (driving down 580) we both made a comment about the smell. "chocolate!" we both smelled chocolate, but not chocolate that you'd eat, chocolate like.. chocolate coffee, or a mocha. something from a coffeehouse. "coffeehouse!" it was like we were in a coffeehouse because we could suddenly smell pastries. the weird thing about this was that we smelled the same exact things and thought the same exact thoughts at the same exact time. we eventually found our way to the 209, we picked up jana, headed to truck, picked up some burritos, i drove over to kinkos because jamie was working and i wanted to see her, proceeded to 7-eleven to get a slurpee (for me) and a diet coke (for nicole). after that was done, i drove our happy asses to crane so we could eat and just have a merry time. i made the mistake of taking a bite out of laura's burrito instead of mine so i had to wrap it back up. it was funny because my lips were red from my slurpee, so where i bit into the burrito was red from my lips. we finished our burritos, had a smoke, got some gas then trucked back to san-to-the-mother-fuckin-francisco. we arrived at our destination around 5 or so, and didn't really do much after that. jana tuned my sister's guitar, and played a few things, which always is a pleasure. i don't even think we ate dinner that night because we were still full from truck. just after the sunset, i drove jana over to the palace so we could check out the golden gate bridge. as we pulled up to park -- RACOONS.. the size of dogs, i kid you not. nothing seemed to phase them. not my lights, not the horn, not my brights, not even my face! so, we got out anyway, walked over to the spot where my 4'33'' was performed for the first time and stared out onto the bay, looking at the g.g. bridge. it was gorgeous, like it always is. we walked up a slight incline to the main parking lot where you can see the city, but the main reason was to look at the moon. as we walked, a car was approaching and we were sorta in it's way. i didn't take my crutches out of the car, so i'm limping pretty bad. as soon as the car was heading our way, jana takes off running, leaving me to be hit by the car. luckily, it avoided me, but really now.. doesn't that seem a bit rude?! after hanging out for a bit, we headed back to my apartment. laura brought over two of her friends from yosemite, kathryn came over and brought josh, and we drank the night away. about 11:30 rolls around, jana wanted to go smoke and, well, i did too. after our cancer sticks, i asked her if she wanted to go somewhere and she agreed. after many issues, we ended up at a hotel right on the water (of the bay) which overlooked the airport, burlingame, san francisco, and oakland. it was cold, but it was nice. we watched a few planes take off, listened to the water crash against the rocks we were sitting on, smoked some more tobacco. we got back to my apartment around 1:30-2ish maybe and pretty much just crashed.

it's not 4:15 in the morning for you, but unfortunately it is for me. i'll have to finish later (1. i'm drunk, 2. i have class at 8 a.m., 3. i'm really really tired), but it probably won't even matter because both parts will most likely already be posted by the time you read this so uhh..

1201 -- DO IT!!!!
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Thug Life For Eva
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